Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

(First, I must preface this rant with a little background since it’s only my second post. I am incredibly, happily married. My husband and I have been best friends since 2nd grade, went to prom together, and remained friends when I went away to college. I came home one summer between sophomore and junior year to learn that my husband was no longer the little freckled kid I remember- but a big studly country man! We had our bumps and he had some growing up to do, but we finally got it right about 7 years ago and have been undeniably happy since. We laugh every day, think about how lucky we are constantly and we love each other with every ounce of our being.)

With that said, men are still annoying.

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So I know this isn’t a new mom things because I have been suffering from this condition forever. I am my husband’s mother. Not in the fact that my attributes are mirrored in my mother-in-law, but more that I make sure that my 30 year old man-baby is fed, clothed, and happy. I know i’m not the only wife out there that feels like this, and he isn’t the first man that I’ve filled this role with either.

It’s partly my fault. I’m a do-er, and I set a bad precedent. Since the beginning, I have always made all the plans, paid all the bills, fixed all of the problems and answered all the questions. If I could go back in time, I would have shirked some responsibility and let him take care of himself. Well, I would like to think that I would, but I probably wouldn’t. My mother took care of my father and us kids, and my grandmother ran her household, too.

Oddly enough however, i’m not sure my husband’s mom was the caretaker type. Which just now hit me, that muthafucka knows how to take care of himself!

When his alarm goes off at 3:30am, I have to keep prodding him awake or he will be late. His clothes are already laid out (I did them the night before so he wouldn’t wake the baby rustling in his closet), his pills are laid out and his keys are by the door. Then when I get up at 5am, I run around picking up his shit off the floor, putting his glass in the dishwasher and then get myself and the baby ready for the day. After our work days are done, he comes home and sometimes makes dinner, or mows the grass.

I am responsible for everything else- which I do 98% of the time without complaint. But once in awhile I will get all crazy lady on him, explode, he will tell me I am amazing and he should do more, and then it’s over. Afterwards, I am the one that feels guilty for blowing up at him and he sweetly states, “It’s ok- he knows women nag sometimes.”

WTF*IMMAgonnaKILLYOU* I’m a nag?!!?!!!!

So anyway- if there are any men reading this- do something nice for your wife/baby momma/main slut.

And if there are other women out there like me- You’re amazing. Men can’t do what you do because they simply don’t have the brain capacity and its part of our curse of being the superior sex.

And if there are women out there that don’t have this problem- teach me your ways.

 

The perpetrator.

My name is Katie and I like kiwi…

Remember those terrible “Get to know you games” in school on the first day? I always hated those- especially in college. When the professor would tell you, “please say your name, where you are from and something interesting about you”..

Gag. No one is ever honest, it’s always the socially acceptable standard answer, “My name is Katie, i’m from a small town in Ohio and I like books”.. I always wanted to say, “My name is Katie, I grew up in a trailer park and I had to explain midget porn to my grandparents.” Unfortunately, my mouth never has the balls my inner voice does.

ANYWAY,  this is my first post. I used to blog religiously through college at Bloop Diary. After graduation and real life began, I stopped. I wish I hadn’t but what are you going to do? I’ve also been meaning to start again since I got pregnant last February so my sweet little baby had something cool to read since the moment of her existence. She’s 7 months old this weekend- sorry, baby- I hope that’s the last time I ever disappoint you!

So, in short- I’m 29 years old, happily married to the point that it’s vomit-inducing, a new mother, a nurse practitioner (pediatrics and mental health/substance abuse for kids) and close to her family and friends. I live in NW Ohio, love to travel and see new places and eat new things, and may be a little snarky and sarcastic.

I’m also done pumping and it’s now time to return to my patients, so this will have to do for a first post. I hope I get the hang of it here, make new friends, reconnect with old friends, you know the deal.

-Katie